Mission Accomplished

This post is super top heavy. I kinda run out of things to say/ I think someone took my awesome little notebook where I write thoughts down in because it is missing from next to the comp where I left it last night.

Make flashback noises to yourselves:

10:47 am Day Of

As I sit at the Alameda Bus Terminal I realize that there are a multitude of factors that go into making this a success. Planning, timing, perserverance and a little bit of luck will all be essential to completing the mission.

Embarking upon this journey I don´t look at it as something I am doing just for me but more for everyone out there who has ever liberated themseleves through the art of peeing in the pool. For those who realize the stupidity of walking to the pool bathroom where everything is slimy and wet. For everyone who has been told the myth about purple dye in the water.  And obviously for those who just can´t hold it. There aren´t many things out there that I can say I am the best at other than Tap Out, making fun of people to a point where they are just about to kill me but don´t, middle of the night paranoid sleeping freak outs when someone enters my room, and bringing people to and from the airport to BC in comfort and style.

I feel a lot of pressure on this one because without realizing it, I really truly have been training for this moment my whole life. Since the time we stopped buying pool passes to the CRP Pool and I was entering as ¨Pat Rogers¨ to the later years, waiting for the North End Pool to open which doesn´t until the beginning of July and being forced to pool hop up and down the waterfront starting at Battery Wharf, then Union Wharf (where Packy and I mistimed our escape once from behing a bush and ran face first into the security), Lewis Wharf, the Marriot Long Wharf, and the pool at the Harbor Towers, where we once told a guy that our uncle owned the place, unfortunately we were in fact talking to the owner of the buildings, however unphased we then asked, ¨how much does a place like this cost?¨ Needless to say we were then asked to exit the pool. 

It´s not just confidence I feel in my ability to find points of entry, scale fences, and blend in, but also my ability to identify the best manner in which to achieve entry. Sometimes pure athleticism, speed and good looks isn´t the answer and in this case I feel my witts and taking advantage of the Gringo Affect will be more important than anything. I am going to have to rely upon a good cover story and identify the most vulnerable party to approach. In instances such as this, the ideal subject is usually either older and unassuming, no longer has the use of all his faculties or you look for the complete opposite. A young worker who appears to be new to the position and is still slightly unsure of themselves and the rules. They are eager to not screw up but at the same time want to keep their head down and not ask too many questions. Back stories I have used in the past have usually included an Uncle whose name is one above the most common/obvious and a lot of the time are the combination of two athletes names, something along the lines of ¨Paul Thomas¨ Combination of Paul Pierce and Bruins´ goalie Tim Thomas. It makes them hesitate for just a moment to think where they heard it before. For the biggest pool in the world if it comes down to it, I am just going to say I am an exchange student doing a report on the pool for my class. Nothing fancy but it will get the job done.

And you may be wondering am I nervous? Hell yeah I´m nervous. Initially I wasn´t but after two days of my friends Cata and Coty telling me that you can´t just waltz into the biggest pool in the world and there is security everywhere and I am going to go to jail and that they are going to have to come bail me out. You could say that I am mildly nervous. 

I even had a nightmare the night before in which I was with Ben and we had gained entry to the complex for the biggest pool in the world. However, we were stuck wandering around one of the apartment buildings because we wanted to make it seem like we had a condo and weren´t just there to pee in the biggest pool in the world. It turned out that the whole time, security was so good that they knew we were there and what our mission was and were secretly following us on video camera and just wanted to track our actions to be able to better understand the patterns of criminals and to make a long story short it was super freaky when they confronted us because they were really calm about it but knew everything about us. But I digress . . . .  

Flashback over, ie. you can stop making flashback sounds which I hope you have been making the whole time. Now I´m just your ordinary storyteller. With just a little bit of flair.

So to get to the pool I had to take a bus from the central bus station in Santiago to the town of Algorobbo. On the bus I asked the lady next to me how to get to the biggest pool in the world (that´s literally how I phrased it) and then I realized that although the majority of the world thinks like me, she is probably one of the few that doesn´t and then gave the name of the condo development, San Alfonso del Mar. Mind you I really didn´t have much of a plan for this other than buy the bus ticket and arrive in the town, however Chileans are so nice that they make it easy to get anywhere. For example this lady walked me to the correct bus stop after she saw me go the wrong way a couple times.

My POE (Point of Entry)

Basically in a nutshell, I waltzed in. I threw my whole elaborate school project idea out the window and told the security booth that I wanted to rent an apartment for my parents who would be arriving in two weeks to visit me. I then went in with a guy who leases and rents apartments and took a look at one (I was so excited to be in that I forgot to take pics of the apartment, but it was classic Chile awesome tackiness, leopard print carpets, (tiger themed in areas), but at the same time a sweet flat screen tv and a room full of bunk beds. It was bacan.

From there we went and checked out the restaurant with the aquarium built in and then I told him that I think I was going to stay for a bite. After a little bit of hesitation on his part, he told me alright and left me with his card. Leaving me to enjoy my day at the biggest pool in the world. THE END.

Before peeing in the biggest pool in the world:

The new more mature and seasoned and enlightened Stefan after peeing in the biggest pool in the world:

And then I spent the day lounging and eating empanaditas.

My spot. I need shade because I don´t really like the beach. I still don´t get the attraction of sweating in the sun on a mildly comfortable chair. (Sidenote: I swam across it widthwise once which was really hard and yes, the thought of there being sharks in the water did cross my mind when I was halfway and scared me.)

You can boat on the biggest pool in the world.

And there is a mini golf complex that is in no way playable. But there are all Disney characters made of sand.

And there is a inflatable laser tag complex protected by Shrek.

Is that Abraham Lincoln playing the invisible violin????

And the ultimate irony: I had a security guard take a picture of me and the pool.

Closing thought:

When it was over, I kinda felt like the followers of Forrest Gump after he was done running across the United States. What now? Where do I go from here? That´s it? I guess all the new improved more mature Stefan can do now is make his way up to the Atacama Desert and deficate in the world´s biggest and driest litter box in the world. 0.