According to my mom: Ted Kennedy, the original Charlie Sheen

Boston Herald

An explosive FBI file on the late U.S. Sen. Edward M. Kennedy now reportedly reveals he “made arrangements to rent a brothel” in Chile in 1961 while on a swing through South America, according to newly released documents obtained by Judicial Watch.

The new passages allege Kennedy, 29 at the time, was on a tour of Chile, Mexico and other surrounding countries while serving as an assistant district attorney in Suffolk County. Those documents, according to Judicial Watch and several other news organizations quoting the State Department memo, state Kennedy was on a mission to talk to “angry young men” in the region. Records state he was seeking out "Leftists." The same page also states an official in Lima, Peru, called the young visitor "pompous" and a "spoiled brat."

Judicial Watch states one passage reads: “While Kennedy was in Santiago he made arrangements to ‘rent’ a brothel for an entire night. Kennedy allegedly invited one of the Embassy chauffeurs to participate in the night’s activities.”

Ahh, the rare delight I get from when my two lives intersect. When I post articles like this, I like to treat it like a reading assignment for school and highlight the important points:

- This is while his brother was in his first year of his presidency . . . Way to represent the US abroad, Ted.
- I don't know whether it is the writer at the Herald or the documents themselves, but I find it hilarious how it says, "The new passages allege Kennedy, 29 at the time, was on a tour of Chile, Mexico and other surrounding countries . . ." Chile, Mexico, and other srurrounding countries? That's like saying Massachusetts, Arizona, and other surrounding states.

- Again, to reiterate: your brother, is the President of the United States. Leader of the Free World. Most powerful person on the planet. And you, his brother, invite the limo driver who works at the embassy to come party with you at the whore house that you have just rented out. I guess that is how you get the reputation as a man of the people?

- Lastly, if you are traveling Latin America or as they put it "the region" ie. the places in and around Mexico and Chile,  I would say if you are looking for some real Latin fire, Chile is not the place to rent out a brothel. Said activity should be done in a Colombia or Brazil, where the latinas are straight fuego.

With that being said, this is a pretty awesome informative video on something that is very popular in Santiago called, "Cafe con Piernas" which translates to "coffee with legs." They are coffee shops that are dotted throughout the city, where all the waitresses are scantily clad or are in nothing but a thong and serve you coffee, juice, and other non-alcoholic beverages. It is thought that these sprung up as a result of the end of the military dictatorship in Chile in 1990 as an escape in a very conservative society. Unfortunately I can't embed the video but this is the link: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHjih8qr0pY

PS. Again, as my mom states, Ted was the original Charlie Sheen. Switching gears slightly, has anyone thought that this whole Charlie Sheen, crazy drug addict wild man routine is all just in an effort to boost DVD sales of Major League and move Rick Vaughn into legend status?

Life with strays in Santiago

So as of this morning I am finishing up a string of working 11 days, 10 overnight shifts at the hostel. I've become a vampire and am slowly dying. In my free time I go around biting people and avoiding stakes being shoved into my heart.

It is kind of difficult to sleep on the overnight shift, especially if there is anyone out because you worry that you are going to sleep through them trying to come back in and they will get raped and pillaged by the vagrants outside. And when I do sleep, I've been drooling like a motherfucker. I think its from being so tired I lose the ablity to swallow and wake up in a puddle of my own spittle.  Needless to say, by the time the morning rolls around I am pretty tired . . . (and my mouth is very dry).

On one of the mornings a few days ago, Cata, who is the manager and one of the receptionists, arrived to relieve me of duty and was followed from the train station by a couple of very friendly stray dogs. It was pretty awesome to come down in the morning after a long night and have these two dogs to play with and spoil with some treats.


Sorry, I know, not exactly the most exciting video, but I just thought it was cool to include. People think it is neat feeding dolphins and seals and stuff, I get my rocks off feeding hungry strays on the street. Again, if I said it a million times, I'll say it a million more, Santiago strays are just the friendliest and most well-behaved creatures on the planet.

From a couple years ago in Chile:

It reminds me of Monday Night Football with this guy's commentary and how they keep showing replays and reverse angle of the dog getting laid out by the car and truck. The only thing he leaves out is, "If you come across the middle like that you have to expect to be hit."

I kid you not, Andy "Brink" Brinker just stayed in the hostal.

I couldn't post this while he was here, the media attention would have just been too much. But let's just say every minute was precious. It's moments like this that make life worth living. I wil be thrilled to get a traveler the caliber of Andy Brink Brinker, for every 50 Japanese tourists that come through here.

Pretty much a no-brainer for choosing what clip from Brink. Defining moment of the movie and perhaps a generation. Everyone knows you never never stay to the outside of a turn. Clearly wasn't enough of a red flag to stop Brink. Maybe he was just sick of that tomboy Gabbi and all that Soul Skater bologna.

When he walked in, there was only one thing I could say to him:

"When you woke up this morning, did you say to yourself 'Today, I'm gonna talk.' or 'Today, I'm gonna skate!'?"

(I had to fb stalk to get this pic, luckily he friended me, little did he know the pandora's box of sickness he opened.) And for the record he is from Sweden and has never heard of Brink. What a Godless country that must be.

and it only gets better:

Captain Mack showed up. He is getting a Harley Davidson shirt in every country he goes to. And he thinks Texas should suceed from the Union. I almost gave him a piece of gum to chew for the pic.

Picture taken from the Boston Duck Tour website, no copywrite infringement intended (please don't sue me BDT).

It warms my heart to see Captain Mack and Brink collaborating to find their next hostel.


Since this is my mountain top, a moment to share my thoughts on Disney Channel Movies:


From Wikipedia
Brink! is a 1998 Disney Channel Original Movie set in the backdrop of competitive synchronized inline skating.


Umm, agree to disagree. Brink is about a team of soul skaters. Each person on the team participates in the event they most excel in, ie. street, pipe, or downhill. There is no such thing as synchronized inline skating, person who wrote that wikipedia entry please strap on a pair of rollerblades and stay to the inside.


3 best Disney Channel movies of all time and no, there is no room to argue (This could be a never ending post for me. Just researching the shit out of classic clips from these movies, going over plot nuances, character development, just adding and updating this until the day I die):


Brink - The above clip says enough.


Johhny Tsunami - Most memorable things: The intensity of the Skys vs. Urchins rivalry and the prevalent use of the term 'brah.'


and last but not least . . .


Motocrossed- Classic tale of a girl living in a boys' world and wanting to take part. The protagonist, the sister of an up-and-coming racing star who wants to get sponsored but gets injured replaces him, much to the shigrin of her father, a mans man who thinks women belong in the kitchen. She then falls in love with a competitor, however, the relationship is complicated because the love interest thinks she is a he. This predicament manifests itself when they go to ride their bikes through the back country and go for a swim in a pond. He readily sheds his top while she is forced to awkwardly go in with all her riding gear on . . . like the fat kid at the swimming pool. I will say no more because this should be on everyone's list of movies to see on a Saturday afternoon on TV before they die.


Honorable mentions:
My Date with the President's Daughter
- (probably the only time corey's older brother got a leading role)
Halloweentown (actually don't really remember it, but I remember it being on . . a lot, I was probably too scared to watch it.)


Noteworthy current day Disney Channel movie facts:
- In 2007 a sequel to Johnny Tsunami came out entitled Johhny Kapahala: Back on Board. It has a 5.5 rating on IMDB down from a 5.9 rating of Johnny Tsunami and stars the same actor who played Johnny in the first.
- There are more than 80 Disney Channel Original movies


All in all after doing this, all I can tell you is that I feel super super gay . . . thanks for asking.

Puppy Pic of the Day

Ya, nice try dog, but I ain't buyin. You are way to clean to be homeless, you've also got a souvenir cup from somewhere whilst the real bum next to you has a Big Gulp AND I see that collar around your neck. Go fetch a stick and earn your meal, poser.

Food Pic of the Day: The Grand Daddies of Them All

A) Steak Pizza

That's a steak on your pizza. Simple as that.

B) Steak and Friends Pizza

C) Green Beans and Friends Pizza next to hot dog friend (repeat)

So this has to be done: Sidebar poll question, which slice of pizza would you least like to eat? We've got the above steak pizza, which is literally just pieces of steak on top of a pizza. The one below it, which is another steak on top of your pizza but also has a little extra sumnthin sumthin going on. Lastly, a previous featured slice which I am bringing back because I recently realized that underneath the green bean party and tomatoes, there are actually pieces of chicken.

For me I think this is quite simple. In my eyes worst case scenario, doomsday for me would be one of the two steak based pizzas. I can easily do the green bean and friends pizza. Chicken is a pretty normal topping for a pizza and from what I can see I am only dealing with tomato and green beans on top of that. That being said the mayoniesse and avocado hot dog next to it, would in fact probably kill me and win the competition. but that is neither here nor there.

Now, with all three of these what I worry about is what is hidden underneath the layer of meat. There could definitely be a lubricating layer of mayo or something to stick everything in place. That could get me into trouble.

For my final decision of doomsday slice that I never want to eat, it would have to be B) Steak and friends. After much thought and hours of contemplation I changed from A. Let me explain the ever intriguing road I took to come to this decision:

I initially was going to say A) Steak Pizza was worst case scenario due to sheer looks. Just the fact that it looked nothing like a pizza completely threw me. At first I didn't think Steak and Friends looked so bad because it had the basic appearance of a slice of pizza. You got you tomatoes and a couple other things that make it look like a pizza: ie. the green stuff kind of can appear to be basil and the white, cheese right?? So in a flash case decision, like in a timed game of chess, I think this pizza would survive and not be deemed the worst. However once you take a minute to investigate the toppings you see that the white and green are mayo and avocado. Boom, check mate, you lose, I'm choking back vomit as I try and get that sucker down.

(Poll is on right hand sidebar, I will be happy to reach 5 votes. no hanging chads.)

The Legend of Beth and how I am kind of accidentally following in her footsteps, except I wear socks and shoes.

Blackened feet. Nothing to eat.

Haven´t seen a bar of deodarant in weeks (you know, because that´s the first thing that´s expendable).

Cigarettes to fill my stomach.

Compost piles to build outside my door and homeless children to bathe.

Sick of watching Joe and Stefan eat like cows. Why can´t they just learn to close their mouths?

Fanny Pack.

Making Out.

Lice.

¨This is the most terrifying and disgusting thing that will ever be on my camera.¨
          - William Joseph M.
            Educator, Kansas City, Missouri


¨yet the environment makes me seem deceivingly fancy, as par to my usual situation. I really need to reevaluate my lifestyle.¨
          - La Betty
            Keeping it real since '86, Missoula, Montana


I went with the 2-2-1-3 form in the above poem. I believe the term for that form is post-neo realism. Science. It's all the rage right now with hipsters . . . until they decide it`s too mainstream and therefore can't be cool anymore.


I also just made all of that up just so I could get a dig in at hipsters . . . Take a good look in the mirror hipsters and keep convincing yourselves your not retarded.


Beth fact 1: She had her own radio show in Chile on social issues. She called it Templar because she opened the dictionary up to a random page and liked that word. She went down as one of the worst on air radio hosts in history, not even taking into account that half of the time we weren't broadcasting because we weren't even plugged in. (Don't let the look of confidence fool you)

So, recently for my posts I´ve been going the route of mindless entertainment where I, like you don´t have to think . . . and then I stopped writing all together, except to include a video with monkeys that is unfort not the megamix (I don't want to lose all my readers). As a result of the aformentioned reasons, I have neglected to mention where I have been or what I have been doing for the last few weeks. 


I have been back in Santiago, Chile for the last three weeks, maybe four, not too sure. I no longer have a cell phone and therefore never know the time or date anymore, it's magical . . I arrived with Ceinwen (pronounced Cinnamon) and Jessica and we stayed at Hostal Santa Lucia, a pretty cool hostal in the middle of Santiago. We stayed 3 days before moving on to Valparaiso where upon they continued travelling north while I wanted to hang back for a little, to accomplish things . . . like pee in the biggest pool in the world, pet stray dogs, and drink a beer from Bar Budapest, etc, etc, you know things to help humanity.

(Don't be alarmed, that bulge under my shirt is just my new fanny pack and is not a stiffy. (embarrasing fact: when I was little my dad used to call me Steffy and after tying my skates in the locker room before hockey games he would say as he left, "Good luck Steffy," which caused everyone on the team to call me Stiffy and laugh at me. I feel like Scott Brown after saying that, such a weight off my chest. The only thing I did wrong was mistime the release of that revelation to the public to not coincide with the release of my biography that Joe started writing two years ago. (ps. To beat a dead horse: but shouldn't these assholes who have just gotten elected be concentrating on their jobs and not writing memoirs? What happened to good old-fashioned accomplish shit and then somehow post-mortum release a book in death and your family makes millions? Kinda like how Biggie and 2 Pac keep coming out with songs and I think Michael Jackson has a new one too.)))




Back to the Legend of Beth (The LOB)

Beth fact 2: She was in Ireland one time and someone asked her if she wanted to do a triathalon the next day. She obliged and came in second.

When Beth first got to Santiago two years ago the hostal was just getting on its feet and she worked out a deal where she could work to stay here. I got to know the owner of the hostal just a little bit through Beth and also Joe, who played rugby for him. I played all of one practice before realizing that rugby is just about the worst thing a Dainty Stefan can do.

Since coming back to the hostal I started out as a guest, then a guest who ate lunch with the staff, and then a guest who didn´t pay who fixes some things and goes to the supermarket, and then a guest who didn´t pay and who also has his laundry taken home by one of the workers, and now I am kind of an employee. Weird. Santiago is my bizzaro world.


Right now I am in the midst of the overnight shift. Good opportunity to write, EXCEPT the keyboard is so miserable and sticks so much that I barely have the patience to put this sentence together. There is nothing worse than a keyboard that you have to pound in order to write and only the center of the spacebar is responsive andyouendupwiththingswrittenlikethisbeforeyourealizeit.


I hope to share more on what I am doing at the hostal and the people I meet. I've done about 3 overnight shifts and let me just say they can be WILD. You get guests coming back late at night, prostitutes coming by looking for a room for them and their client, and some super sketchy gay people coming by and some sassy gay guests because we are on the edge of the gay district.


Beth fact 3: She lived in an abandoned kiosko with the leader of the Chilean Young Communist Party. They once went to the opera.

Sometimes when we are eating lunch a random Beth anecdote will come up like how she would go sit in the park by herself at night oblivious to the dangers around her and she is also a bit of a hero at the hostal because of the time she stood up to Sebastian, the owner, and tried to knock his unibrow right off. 

(found these after doing some snoopin around the reception comp)

Going forward, if I truly want to follow in the path of Beth my next steps will include dining with the homeless, drinking only in the bathrooms at bars, bathing (batheing??) once a week, and eating nothing but lentils. Four things I am not prepared to do at the moment . . . I am not to sure how long I am going to be here but for the moment I am pretty content with life in the hostal.

Update: I've been working the night shift now for 5 days straight and haven't really slept. Thanks in large part to Japanese tourists and their lack of comprehension of anything. Each time one walks in the door with a backpack a little piece of me dies. Japanese tourist post in the works.

Música: It´s drumline meets planet of the apes meets pleasantville . . In German

That´s how you make a breakfast. Just angry as shit, dancing all over the place, crackin eggs, sticking meat cleavers in walls, and monkies (sp?) on the couch playing drums.

The hostal gets visitors from all over the world and through that some pretty cool muzak gets played here. There is a huge German contingent and from that this song got shared. No idea what he is saying but at one point it sounds like he says T-Pain and sounds autotuned therefore before I saw the video I thought T-Pain somehow had a cameo.

Thoughts on the music video that do not have to do with T-Pain:
-  He sticks knives in walls like us.
- I just reached the 3:45 mark and it seems they brought in some straight hood, Atlanta U, drumliners to get shit poppin.

Closing thoughts:

- No matter what, nobody sounds quite as angry as MacMahon when speaking German.

- After watching the opening scene again and again in an effort to draw more parellels with my own life, it made me think that this is probaly how White Boy saw all of us. Him just bombing around, cursing in German and us, not even really real people in his eyes but more like monkeys in the background hanging out on the couch banging on crap.

Calle Bandera Ridic American T-Shirt Pic of the Day

In honor of Super Bowl Sunday, the self-proclaimed most watched event in the world, although no one outside of the United States and Canada cares, knows anything about the sport, or has any interest in the teams or game, I´m going to give us a trifecta plus a couple more of Calle Bandera, we go America all over everyone´s ass t-shirts.



In honor of the game and all the festivities being in Texas this year:

(Note, this one was from a trendy department store)

And so was this one.

This can´t be really be what the colors are for, right?

Just in case you were wondering, there will be a quiz later, called who is and isn´t a commi bastard.

In my mind this kid either a) got into really hardcore drugs and threw his career away and that is how his exclusive nfl development shirt ended up in Chile or b) he got in a really bad fight with his mom and she threw it out.

I had to include these two just because of how sick the jersey is. Could you imagine having jerseys this nice in highschool? And with your name on the back? Unrealsies.

I also feel like through a little research we can find this cat and get his career stats and send him a mail and let him know if he wants he can come get his jersey in Chile. Anyone feeling up for a little research?

Last but not least:

Boo ya, world. Enjoy/I hope you enjoyed the game. 99.9% chance you won´t see this until well after the game. In an ideal world the annoucers would dwell upon the fact that Roethlisberger is a raper, but we know that is not going to happen. All we can hope is that Greg Jennings has a big game and then this clip is played on repeat 24/7 until the world ends:

Chilean food or what I guess could loosely be termed food: Pic of the Day

It´s like a bunch of green beans showed up and decided to have a party on top of your pizza. The audacity of green beans.

Puppy Pic of the Day

So I feel like I´ve lost my edge with my witticisms. I largely blame it on the fact that I have to use whatever random computer I can get my hands on and have a limited time period versus when I was in Buenos Aires and had no friends and when brilliance struckcould grab my comp and it would just flow out of me. Now I am relying on the shock and awe of Chilean food, the cuteness of the pups, and the sillyness of the t-shirts. Don´t worry I´m pretty sure I´ll find my stride again.

Anyway this little guy lives on top of Cerro San Cristobol, the main big hill/touristy spot in the city. I asked the information booth if it was the same dog from two years ago and in fact this time I was correct and it is. He usually wanders around this really big outdoor chapel on the top of the hill and keeps security company. I´m pretty sure he started out a stray but now he has a collar with his name (which I don´t remember) and everything.

Calle Bandera Ridic American T-Shirt Pic of the Day: Deodorant Edition

This is not in fact from Calle Bandera, but a pharmacy. Could this be the secret that I am missing? I really just need to smell like a black dude? And for 2 for 1 1/2 how can I go wrong. (I am actually going to do a post on the whole 2 for 1 and happy hour concept in Santiago and how they have no idea what either of those terms mean.)

Mission Accomplished

This post is super top heavy. I kinda run out of things to say/ I think someone took my awesome little notebook where I write thoughts down in because it is missing from next to the comp where I left it last night.

Make flashback noises to yourselves:

10:47 am Day Of

As I sit at the Alameda Bus Terminal I realize that there are a multitude of factors that go into making this a success. Planning, timing, perserverance and a little bit of luck will all be essential to completing the mission.

Embarking upon this journey I don´t look at it as something I am doing just for me but more for everyone out there who has ever liberated themseleves through the art of peeing in the pool. For those who realize the stupidity of walking to the pool bathroom where everything is slimy and wet. For everyone who has been told the myth about purple dye in the water.  And obviously for those who just can´t hold it. There aren´t many things out there that I can say I am the best at other than Tap Out, making fun of people to a point where they are just about to kill me but don´t, middle of the night paranoid sleeping freak outs when someone enters my room, and bringing people to and from the airport to BC in comfort and style.

I feel a lot of pressure on this one because without realizing it, I really truly have been training for this moment my whole life. Since the time we stopped buying pool passes to the CRP Pool and I was entering as ¨Pat Rogers¨ to the later years, waiting for the North End Pool to open which doesn´t until the beginning of July and being forced to pool hop up and down the waterfront starting at Battery Wharf, then Union Wharf (where Packy and I mistimed our escape once from behing a bush and ran face first into the security), Lewis Wharf, the Marriot Long Wharf, and the pool at the Harbor Towers, where we once told a guy that our uncle owned the place, unfortunately we were in fact talking to the owner of the buildings, however unphased we then asked, ¨how much does a place like this cost?¨ Needless to say we were then asked to exit the pool. 

It´s not just confidence I feel in my ability to find points of entry, scale fences, and blend in, but also my ability to identify the best manner in which to achieve entry. Sometimes pure athleticism, speed and good looks isn´t the answer and in this case I feel my witts and taking advantage of the Gringo Affect will be more important than anything. I am going to have to rely upon a good cover story and identify the most vulnerable party to approach. In instances such as this, the ideal subject is usually either older and unassuming, no longer has the use of all his faculties or you look for the complete opposite. A young worker who appears to be new to the position and is still slightly unsure of themselves and the rules. They are eager to not screw up but at the same time want to keep their head down and not ask too many questions. Back stories I have used in the past have usually included an Uncle whose name is one above the most common/obvious and a lot of the time are the combination of two athletes names, something along the lines of ¨Paul Thomas¨ Combination of Paul Pierce and Bruins´ goalie Tim Thomas. It makes them hesitate for just a moment to think where they heard it before. For the biggest pool in the world if it comes down to it, I am just going to say I am an exchange student doing a report on the pool for my class. Nothing fancy but it will get the job done.

And you may be wondering am I nervous? Hell yeah I´m nervous. Initially I wasn´t but after two days of my friends Cata and Coty telling me that you can´t just waltz into the biggest pool in the world and there is security everywhere and I am going to go to jail and that they are going to have to come bail me out. You could say that I am mildly nervous. 

I even had a nightmare the night before in which I was with Ben and we had gained entry to the complex for the biggest pool in the world. However, we were stuck wandering around one of the apartment buildings because we wanted to make it seem like we had a condo and weren´t just there to pee in the biggest pool in the world. It turned out that the whole time, security was so good that they knew we were there and what our mission was and were secretly following us on video camera and just wanted to track our actions to be able to better understand the patterns of criminals and to make a long story short it was super freaky when they confronted us because they were really calm about it but knew everything about us. But I digress . . . .  

Flashback over, ie. you can stop making flashback sounds which I hope you have been making the whole time. Now I´m just your ordinary storyteller. With just a little bit of flair.

So to get to the pool I had to take a bus from the central bus station in Santiago to the town of Algorobbo. On the bus I asked the lady next to me how to get to the biggest pool in the world (that´s literally how I phrased it) and then I realized that although the majority of the world thinks like me, she is probably one of the few that doesn´t and then gave the name of the condo development, San Alfonso del Mar. Mind you I really didn´t have much of a plan for this other than buy the bus ticket and arrive in the town, however Chileans are so nice that they make it easy to get anywhere. For example this lady walked me to the correct bus stop after she saw me go the wrong way a couple times.

My POE (Point of Entry)

Basically in a nutshell, I waltzed in. I threw my whole elaborate school project idea out the window and told the security booth that I wanted to rent an apartment for my parents who would be arriving in two weeks to visit me. I then went in with a guy who leases and rents apartments and took a look at one (I was so excited to be in that I forgot to take pics of the apartment, but it was classic Chile awesome tackiness, leopard print carpets, (tiger themed in areas), but at the same time a sweet flat screen tv and a room full of bunk beds. It was bacan.

From there we went and checked out the restaurant with the aquarium built in and then I told him that I think I was going to stay for a bite. After a little bit of hesitation on his part, he told me alright and left me with his card. Leaving me to enjoy my day at the biggest pool in the world. THE END.

Before peeing in the biggest pool in the world:

The new more mature and seasoned and enlightened Stefan after peeing in the biggest pool in the world:

And then I spent the day lounging and eating empanaditas.

My spot. I need shade because I don´t really like the beach. I still don´t get the attraction of sweating in the sun on a mildly comfortable chair. (Sidenote: I swam across it widthwise once which was really hard and yes, the thought of there being sharks in the water did cross my mind when I was halfway and scared me.)

You can boat on the biggest pool in the world.

And there is a mini golf complex that is in no way playable. But there are all Disney characters made of sand.

And there is a inflatable laser tag complex protected by Shrek.

Is that Abraham Lincoln playing the invisible violin????

And the ultimate irony: I had a security guard take a picture of me and the pool.

Closing thought:

When it was over, I kinda felt like the followers of Forrest Gump after he was done running across the United States. What now? Where do I go from here? That´s it? I guess all the new improved more mature Stefan can do now is make his way up to the Atacama Desert and deficate in the world´s biggest and driest litter box in the world. 0.