French People

I'm guessing you might be able to guess where this is going. My French roommate Sarah came back to the apartment with a friend and they sat down with me at the dining room table. I started talking to my sister on skype partway through the encounter:

[10:50:57 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: Danielle

[10:51:12 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: one of my rommates is french

[10:51:16 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: she is cool

[10:51:17 PM] danielle.modz: nice

[10:51:20 PM] danielle.modz: NICE

[10:51:31 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: her friend is a HUGE FUCKING FRENCH ASSHOLE

[10:51:50 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: and I have not wanted to punch someone in the face so bad in a long time

[10:51:57 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: soberly

[10:52:07 PM] danielle.modz: so what are you goig to do

[10:52:10 PM] danielle.modz: dont punch him

[10:52:15 PM] danielle.modz: youre in a foreign country

[10:53:01 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: He's such a french condescending little bitch

[10:53:09 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: he keeps making me toast

[10:53:30 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: to shit even if the stuff makes fun of me

[10:53:35 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: in a snide way

[10:54:06 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: oh man oh man

[10:54:12 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: i tell ya i tell ya i tell ya

[10:54:35 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: the tension is palpable and now it just feels awkward as hell

[10:54:54 PM] danielle.modz: why is he being so mean to you

[10:54:56 PM] danielle.modz: and making you toast

[10:56:24 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: i have no fucking idea

[10:56:36 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: i think he feels really superior n idea why

[10:57:02 PM] danielle.modz: hmmm

[10:57:09 PM] danielle.modz: can u say something to your cool roommate

[10:57:49 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: oh ya, i'm gonna tel her i think your friend is a desuch

[10:57:59 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: u could tell she knew it was awkward

[11:00:29 PM] *** Call to danielle.modz, duration 01:48. *** (at this point they left the apartment, I thought maybe for good and I was able to call my sister, however soon after they came back and I had to hang up)

[11:03:23 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: g' f'in damnit

[11:03:38 PM] danielle.modz: whats the scene

[11:03:45 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: and he bought a beer bottle

[11:03:52 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: now i can't get up

[11:04:30 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: This is a comedy of terribleness

[11:07:35 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: He just poured the new beer in my orange soda cup. What the Shit.

[11:08:02 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: my beer cup and soda cup are next to each other and he clearly chose my orange soda cup

[11:08:34 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: however, that being said the taste isn't all that bad

[11:13:34 PM] danielle.modz: you really think he is doing all of this on purpose

[11:15:02 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: he wants me to tell him something crazy about myself

[11:15:08 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: buddy, not gonna happen

[11:18:27 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: now he is getting in to american politics

[11:20:10 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: and each time i look at him he has another button on his shirt undone, it's like a nightmare

[11:22:36 PM] danielle.modz: this seems SO odd

[11:29:30 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: He wants me to now ask him about his life

[11:30:01 PM] danielle.modz: why doesnt he just hang wth your roommate

[11:30:05 PM] danielle.modz: do u think he is gay

[11:30:10 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: "you don't want to hear anything crazy about my life"

[11:30:27 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: duuuude, i'm starting to get that vibe

[11:31:05 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: he did say earlier, "sometimes i feel like a girl" i thought he was joking at the time

[11:33:10 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: and he did go lip to cheek when he first arrived in greeting, usually guys just go cheek to cheek, if that

[11:33:23 PM] danielle.modz: get out

[11:33:26 PM] danielle.modz: get to your room

[11:33:30 PM] danielle.modz: asap

[11:33:43 PM] danielle.modz: i am now playing in 2 hockey leagues

[11:33:45 PM] danielle.modz: BOO YA

[11:34:06 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: Oh shit, she just went to the bathroom now it is just us

[11:35:28 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: i am about to burst out giggling due to the awkwardness, at least i no longer feel violent.

[11:38:18 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: and this is why i never leave my room.

[11:38:19 PM] danielle.modz: yes

[11:38:27 PM] danielle.modz: but wghat if he makes amove

[11:38:35 PM] danielle.modz: you will freak and it will get violent

[11:38:40 PM] danielle.modz: remove yourself from the situation

[11:38:44 PM] danielle.modz: im going to bed, good luck

[11:38:52 PM] danielle.modz: im sure there will be a blog post about this

[11:38:59 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: thanks

[11:39:14 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: i'll let you know how it turns out.

[11:39:28 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: and i really have to pee now, don't know what to do

[11:39:37 PM] danielle.modz: go pee...

[11:39:39 PM] Stefan Modzelewski: goodnight

[11:39:41 PM] danielle.modz: an then go into your room

[11:39:46 PM] danielle.modz: night

Annnnnnnd I started to record it. A small sampling of Frenchness, (Don't worry if you don't really understand it, I also did not really know what he was talking about) Just enjoy the sweet accent:

(I had to delete the audio, the site thinks it can give a virus, I agree French vaginaness is contagious, I can send the audio via email on request, it's like a 90 seconds)