Happy New Year I guess

Like most things, I don't really like the New Year because I see it not as another opportunity, a new beginning, but more as something that marks the end of another wasted year. I think of all the things I didn't do or the good times I had and think, wow, that will never happen again. I'm such a Debbie. Why do I always have to be so damn nostalgic? It's a gift and a curse. Anyway, close it out with this, it's much easier to say things through a room full of scary english guys with questionable dental hygiene:

Craigslist: Guitar Lessons

http://buenosaires.es.craigslist.org/act/2130348324.html
Fecha: 2010-12-27, 12:59AM ARST
trade your guitar talents i teach your english

its a trade

___________

Ehhhh . . . Ummmmm . . . errrrr . . . so, the poster of this ad is offering to teach the English? On a different note, I like the directness of the ad, no pussyfooting around. Subject line has all the information and BOOM, the body just reinforces the critical point, no punctuation necessary thank you very much.

Come Visit Stefan Picture of the Day

I live across from the Palestinian Embassy. I originally was going to say that we go buy some cheap booze, get drunk on my rooftop terraza (which I have never actually seen because I think someone lost the key) and with the excess alcohol make some nice molotov cocktails to toss over and turn my block into the Gaza Strip. That was what I was originally going to say. Now that I recently discovered a firework store a few blocks from my house I think it will probably be a much better idea to go there for the explosives, really do some damage and stir things up, bring the Middle East to us.

Note that they don't really open their windows to the daylight. Clearly we are going to need something stronger than bottle rockets: insert video of shooting bottle rockets out of wiffleball bat here (no video exists on youtube, has no one else ever done that?)

Food for thought

I don't think we realize how much of America is exported and reproduced around the world in a very formulaic way. My example today, on December 30th, 2010 is reality tv in Argentina.

This is a picture of the host of "Bailando 2010" which is basically "You Think You can Dance." Pretty much the identical twin of that asshole Ryan Seacrest who if I had a list of people to punch in the face if I ever saw them at a bar, he would be on it. Along with Dennis and Callahan, the NBA, French people, and whatever guy at the bar who is drinking a vodka cranberry. (I don't actually think I would punch any of the aforementioned people in the face but at the moment I can't think of any of the people who I actually would.)

Argentinean host:

 Ryan gayboy Seacrest:

Example 2: Talento Argentino. I don't think this one is any secret because every tv show like it follows the formula but I figured I'd show it anyway. It's the exact same set up as American Idol with the girl being the nicest, the guy on the right the asshole and the guy on the left kind of like the mediator more friendly type but in this case not black because they don't really exist in Argentina.):

American Idol:

Talento Argentino:

I'd give this post about a 9.5 out of 10 on the lame scale.

Música

Just got back from Christmas a couple days ago trying to get back into the swing of things but I've been having stomach pains from something I ate or drank . . . or I could just be pregnant, probably pregnant. Anyway back to my bread and butter, just throw up a Spanish song. Went with another duet, I'm dominating with these duets.

ps. Does anyone differentiate between Ricky Martin and Enrique Iglesias? I kind of always knew but not until recently did I concretely come to the realization that they are different people. I kind of just interchanged them before/never really thought about how they are different people.

The Bible Game comes to life

Except without Ruth always winning.

I am going to start this with a short list of things that are impossible:
1) Not peeing in the shower.
2) Starting a law & order episode halfway through because there is no way to know what is going on.
3) Chewing big league chew without swallowing it because it just tastes so good.

I consider trying to describe the experience of going to Tierra Santa up there with these things.

I went with my friend Maggie and going to the Park was not just a good decision but a great decision. Double period

Parque Tierra Santa is the world's first ever religious theme park. It's a town modeled after Jerusalem and completely lived up to every expectation I had. I believe it is made to look as it did during the time of Jesus. (In my mind it could also be present day, I kind of picture Jerusalem as a place that isn't allowed to change, it's just stuck in a 2,000 year and counting time warp).

Let's just say getting to the park was an adventure. That we were lost and then we were found.

Instead of trying to explain Tierra Santa and since I am already in a list making mode, I think I am just going do a top 12 of the park (could not for the life of me narrow it down to 10), more or less in order but it's kinda a pain in the ass to add and remove pictures, hence the kind of in order.

12. Calvario (that's the Spanish name, not sure what mountain it is referring to in English) Mount of Olives?

11. This palm tree with disco lights under it.

10. Jesus preaching peace.

 

9. Even the cleaning guy had to dress the part. Word to the wise: there are no short cuts when it comes to recreating a town from 2,000 years ago, it's a team effort.

8. This donkey and really budget camel, focus on the really budget camel.

I feel like it was made to be a dinosaur for Jurassic Park but got cut. Poor guy. Or maybe this is the camel before evolution. See what I did there? . . . Inject controversy into the blog . . . . Check.

PS. This camel also always seems to be paired with a donkey. In this case it seems there must have been some type of disagreement or unsavory discussion between the two.


7. This beer coozy on the table at the local pizzeria in Jerusalem is designed to keep a liter of cerveza cold for long periods of time. I honestly have not seen this outside the city walls but it is brilliant. Jesus is playing Egyptian Ratscrew while the rest of us are playing Go Fish, he's always 10 steps ahead.

You also probably have no idea what I am referring to. It's the big brown thing in the middle of the table. And you also probably didn't get that last joke, deal with it.


6. Every now and again I am walking down the street and I see someone and I think, "that's the argentine version of _____" it's like if someone was reborn as an argentine that is what they would look like.

This clearly would be Joe if he was born 2,000 years ago in Jerusalem. Sidenote scary thought: if Joe was born 2,000 years ago in Jerusalem could you imagine if he was mistaken for Jesus?

5. This artfully placed loaf of bread. I was initially going to say tastefully placed but I'm not a huge fan of puns.

4. No need to gather two of every kind Noah, it's just a waterpark outside of the city walls.

3. . . . Speaking of Noah: Arca de Noe Restaurant:

This is not an actual picture of the restaurant due to the fact that I forgot to take a picture of the outside of the restaurant. It's just a random building in the town. Probably a brothel.

They served beer at the restaurant. However, it was quickly brought to my attention that wine would have been a much more appropriate purchase. Did beer even exist 2,000 years ago?

This miniature glass mug prompted me to try and explain the concept of Little Andy. That reaction seems about right for the subject matter.

Your guess is as good as mine.

2. The Resurrection was a clear number 2 for me. It did not have a shot at the number 1 spot, but all in all not too shabby. A couple points off for the resurrection due to the fact that it started about 8 minutes behind schedule and  I really had to go pee from the beer and did not have a chance to use my bathroom break. Also major points for the song choice.

That Jesus is over 60 feet tall and it rotates.

1. Coming it at number 1 and there was little doubt in my mind that this would be a highlight would have to be the Creation. Does anyone remember the voice over in the Bible Game challenge game 7 Days where you shoot the little gold balls around the blackness? That voice was so freaky. We used turn off all the lights in the room, plug in the surround sound and turn the subwoofer all the way up in an effort to capture how epic the voice of the creation was. I now realize what we were trying to do was create the atmosphere of The Creation at Parque Tierra Santa. I feel like only those who climbed Jacob's Ladder, ran through the Red Sea while jamming to this Bible Game classic, brought down the Tower of Babel, received the Wrath of God and was forced by that way-to-cheerful host to Do Unto Others can fully appreciate this.

(I know that the video is 4 minutes long but cut me a little slack, it's the creation of the world. It took 7 days, and I was able to edit it down to 4 minutes.)


And that's all I have to say about that.  I'm running out the door right now to go to Junin to spend Christmas with Emanuel's family. I'm pretty sure we get to shoot one of his uncle's cows for dinner. My mom also sent me Red Sox and Patriots boxers and silly bandz, I'll be sure to model them after I get back. Probably should do it before because I'm afraid that cow I shoot will go straight to my thighs.

A moment on the lips forever on the hips. Merry Christmas.

Come Visit Stefan Picture of the Day

We can go to the Kilkenny Irish Pub & Restaurant where all the beer is German and they have food since 12 to 4. Wait, what?